Shonda Rhimes Reveals Why She Had to Miss Sandra Oh’s Last Day on Grey’s Anatomy: ‘You Tear Yourself Apart’

Shonda Rhimes is a powerhouse in television, best known for creating the groundbreaking medical drama Grey’s Anatomy.

As the founder and CEO of Shondaland – a media empire behind hits like Scandal, Inventing Anna Bridgerton and more – Rhimes balances intense storytelling with the equally demanding role of being a mother of three.

Her ability to lead in both business and family life has made her a symbol of multifaceted success.

However, in a recent conversation with Robin Roberts about the expanded anniversary edition of her book, Year of Yes at 92NY Rhimes shared just how difficult it really is to wear so many hats at once, agreeing that sometimes “when you’re succeeding at work, then you’re failing at home,” and vice versa.

“The reality of this is you can have it all, but you can’t have it all at once,” she said, sharing an example that still sticks with her over a decade later.

“I missed Sandra Oh’s last night performing ever on Grey’s Anatomy, filming her last scenes,” Rhimes revealed.

Oh, who played the role of Cristina Yang, left the beloved series after 10 seasons in 2014. The actress and Rhimes developed a close friendship during their time working together, calling their relationship a “creative sisterhood.”

While it was a heartfelt and pivotal moment for the show, Rhimes knew it was important to attend her daughter’s science fair instead.

Looking back, she admitted that choices like these are never easy – it’s in these moments that “you tear yourself apart,” wondering if you made the right decision.

“You’ll think, ‘Oh my God, I’m doing the worst job at work,’ or, ‘I’m not seeing what my kid’s doing so I’m doing the worst job at home,’” she said, highlighting the impossible standards so many working parents grapple with.

The pressure, she added, often stems from the belief that success in one area of life must come at the cost of another. Over time, however, Rhimes has learned to confront those emotions head-on.

Rather than bottling them up or dismissing them, she’s made a conscious effort to speak openly about the struggle.

“When I decided to say, ‘If I’m succeeding at one, I’m failing at the other,’ somehow, that put a balance to it,” she shared. “Like it is okay to drop the ball every once in a while ’cause you have to pick up the ball a lot harder here. It made me feel better about it as opposed to trying to pretend it wasn’t what it felt like.”

“It made me feel more comfortable with it in some way,” she told Roberts. “And it gave me a chance to give myself the forgiveness to let it happen.”

Rhimes became a mother in 2002 when she adopted her eldest daughter, Harper. A decade later, she expanded her family with the adoption of her second daughter, Emerson. In 2013, her third daughter, Beckett, was born via surrogacy.

On Oct. 14, 2025, Rhimes’ 10th Anniversary Edition of Year of Yes was published – offering readers a refreshed and expanded take on her beloved bestseller.

The original book, first published in November 2015, chronicled Rhimes’ journey from introverted showrunner to a woman fully stepping into her power.

Now, with the perspective of 10 more years, Rhimes revisits that journey with deeper honesty, humor and wisdom.

The latest edition features new stories and insights that reflect how her commitment to saying “yes” has continued to shape her life a decade later.