If there’s one thing Crispy Cole is exceptionally good at, it’s being the poster boy for pettiness.
Hold on to your dragon scales, because we’re diving into the fiery depths of Westerosi drama. Today, we’re unmasking the real villain of House of the Dragon. And no, it’s not some scheming Lannister or a fire-breathing beast. It’s none other than Ser Criston Cole, or as I like to call him, Crispy Cole. Yes, I disrespect him like that.
At first glance, Crispy Cole might seem like your typical knight in shining armor: he’s got an innocent-looking face, even sweet at times, with the prettiest pair of brown eyes. But dig a little deeper, and you’ll find that he’s more of a wolf in sheep’s clothing. Or, to keep it dragon-themed, a snake in dragon’s scales. My point is, he’s a horrible human being and he has absolutely no shame.
Let’s break down why this guy takes the crown for the most manipulative and horrible character in House of the Dragon.
1. The bitter ex
Criston Cole started off as the dashing knight who caught the eye of a young Princess Rhaenyra. He was charming, handsome, and seemed to have a moral compass. But oh boy, were we all fooled. After Rhaenyra, our favorite Targaryen rebel, didn’t want to elope and live a boring life with him, Crispy’s true colors started to show. Instead of taking the rejection like a champ, he decided to let his heartache fuel a vendetta. The guy literally turned into the medieval version of a scorned ex who just can’t let it go, beating a man to death at Rhaenyra’s wedding to another man out of anger. Since then, he’s loathed Rhaenyra.
2. Master manipulator
Criston didn’t just sit in his room crying over spilled milk…or spilled blood, in this case. He took his bitterness and weaponized it. He cozied up to Alicent Hightower and played a major role in driving a wedge between her and Rhaenyra. He whispered sweet nothings about Rhaenyra’s supposed improprieties, stoking the fires of mistrust and paranoia. And for what? All because his pride got a little bruised.
The way he makes Ser Arryk Cargyll feel like he has something to prove for apparently letting little prince Jahaerys Targaryen get killed in the season 2 premiere episode is a masterclass in gaslighting and manipulation. The way he asks where Ser Arryk was that night, and is still mad when Ser Arryk gives the perfectly legitimate answer that he was gaurding the king, exactly what s Kingsguard is supposed to do — my bro, where were you? In bed with Alicent. Crispy can never be in the wrong; he’s self-righteous and nothing is ever his fault. Making Ser Arryk go all the way to Dragonstone to pretend to be his brother twin Erryk and attempt to assassinate Rhaenyra shows that he literally has no chill and loves to stick his nose where it doesn’t belong. I hate the man, I really do.
The lion, the witch, and the audacity of this bitch.
3. Loyal to a fault… or is he?
Loyalty is usually a good thing, right? Not when it comes to Crispy. His undying loyalty to Alicent and her son, Aegon, isn’t about honor; it’s about his twisted sense of righteousness. He becomes a fanatic, willing to destroy anyone who threatens their claim to the throne for for the sake of his position and to try and make up for his countless sins (sleeping with Rhaenyra and Alicent, killing innocent people over during one of his tantrums, being a complete two-face…. You know, that kind of stuff). This is not loyalty; it’s a dangerous obsession that turns Crispy into a relentless enforcer of Alicent’s will. Unless he’s using loyalty to get to where he wants to be. He’s like the Terminator of Westeros, but instead of “I’ll be back,” it’s “I’ll make you pay.”
4. Hypocrite of the heckin’ century
And let’s not forget the cherry on top of this evil sundae: hypocrisy. Crispy Cole constantly judges Rhaenyra and others for their choices, calling them out for their supposed lack of virtue or their doing nothing during critical times. But hello, didn’t he break his own vows as a Kingsguard? The man has more double standards than a Westerosi feast has courses and weddings have deaths. He’s quick to condemn others while conveniently ignoring his own sins.
I really, really despise the man.
Let’s recap why Ser Criston Cole the most evil character in House of the Dragon: He’s a master manipulator, a hypocrite, and a bitter ex who lets his personal vendettas dictate his actions. He hides behind a façade of honor and loyalty, but beneath it all he’s just a power-hungry, revenge-driven knight who can’t handle rejection. Crispy Cole, you might have fooled some of the characters in Westeros, but we see you for what you truly are: the sneakiest, most diabolical villain in the realm. And that’s saying something in a world where dragons and White Walkers roam free.
I hate you.
So the next time you’re watching House of the Dragon, keep an eye on this guy. He might look like a knight in shin
