The Grey’s Anatomy Fandom Isn’t Holding Back On Miranda Bailey’s Relationship History

Miranda Bailey (Chandra Wilson) of “Grey’s Anatomy” is many things. A wife. A mother. A surgeon. Fictional. But is she a good romantic partner? Some fans think not.

Bailey — who has been married twice on the show with one boyfriend between the two — doesn’t usually focus on her romantic life, as she is, at the end of the day, married to her career. She loves and cares deeply for her family, though, including her son Tucker and adopted daughter Pruitt. So why do fans think she’s a terrible partner?

On a Reddit thread calling Miranda’s commitment to her relationships into question, u/Significant-Hippo363 broke the ice, writing, “Bailey is literally the most terrible wife of all time I can’t believe the show props her up as a role model. Ben [Warren, her husband, played by Jason Winston George] wants to pursue becoming a surgeon and she calls him a child and doesn’t support him at all. She goes through her own OCD spout and he does everything to support her and she not only doesn’t thank him, but critiques him the entire time.”

“Yeah, I’m sure there are moments of kindness and warmth,” they continued. “But there’s just too much bitterness from her. I’m on season 15 and I get the show is striving to be this feminist masterpiece… which is fine. But being a crappy partner isn’t being a strong woman.”

Does Miranda Bailey treat Ben Warren well?

As the thread continued, some Redditors agreed with this assessment, while others defended the iconic character. Focusing on her husband Ben, some people thought that she’s been unfair to him from the start — even during his proposal, which she basically ruined by staying at work during a date she planned. (He ends up reading the bespoke crossword puzzle he had designed just for her in the operating room.)

As u/temporarybroccoli73 wrote, “She was terrible even before they married. Was rewatching the proposal episode and the way she treated him for being upset about her choosing to work instead of spending the day with him as planned was just awful! She berated him. She negated his feelings.” They concluded, “Ben deserved so much better than Bailey.”

Some people, though, defended Bailey against Ben, who changes careers from an anesthesiologist to a surgical intern to a firefighter throughout “Grey’s Anatomy” u/pinkpink0430 put it bluntly: “Also, if my husband changed careers twice in a short span I wouldn’t be happy either. And it’s not like he changed from one desk job to another. He completely changed careers. He always needs a new challenge he’s never happy. I’d be worried just like she was that he’s going to continue to do this over and over and maybe one day get bored of me too.”

Maybe Miranda’s romantic failings aren’t her fault

Bailey’s romantic life has, certainly, had its ups and downs. Her first husband, Tuck (Cress Williams), wasn’t in medicine and resented the demands of her career, constantly making her feel bad about choosing to save lives… which was simply an unhealthy dynamic. After they divorced, Bailey had a brief fling with a nurse at the hospital, Eli (Daniel Sunjata), but she ends up with Ben, and the two are happy together even when they do face bumps in the road. Bailey is a flawed partner, sure, but she’s also a relatable character who, thanks to Wilson’s lived-in performance, feels real, comforting, and complex. She isn’t always perfect, but she still manages to rise to the occasion, and her relationship with Ben certainly seems to fulfill them both.

In the end, some longtime “Grey’s Anatomy” fans were willing to chalk it up to the fact that, on this show, people are rarely allowed to be happy for the sake of continued drama. u/amir_reza_helmi distilled it down, writing, “People are gonna hate me for this but I blame it all on Shonda Rhimes or the writers. (Which ever is responsible for making decisions about couples). They can’t handle a good relationship. Every single relationship in the show has gone to sh*t.”